PARSHAT VAYIGASH – DERECH ERETZ (RESPECT)
Parshat Vayigash continues telling the story of Yosef (Joseph) and his brothers.
The great famine predicted in Pharaoh’s dreams persisted. As a result, Yaakov’s sons made a second journey to Egypt to purchase food necessary for their survival. Unbeknownst to them, the viceroy of Egypt who oversaw these transactions was, in fact, their brother Yosef whom they had sold into slavery years earlier.
Yosef finally revealed his true identity. He then attempted to assuage his brothers’ embarrassment over what they had done to him. Yosef represented that Hashem’s (G-d’s) prophetic plan was that he should rise to an influential position in order to save them from death by starvation. Yosef then went on to urge his brothers to journey homeward and to return with Yaakov and the entire family. Once in Egypt, they could live with honor while being sustained by Yosef.
Yosef then sent along a message to his father that was somewhat different from what he told his brothers. To his brothers Yosef said that Hashem sent him to save their lives (Parshat Vayigash 45:5). To his father, he spoke of being sent by Hashem to prevent them from becoming destitute (if they had to remain in Israel and spend all of their money on food – ibid. 45:11).
The Commentary of the Ramban (ibid.) explains that Yosef’s shift in language was deliberate. The actual truth was what he conveyed to his brothers - they could all die if they stayed in Israel. However, openly confronting his father Yaakov (Jacob) with this reality involved a certain lack of respect. Although true, it was tantamount to saying that the very life of the father was in the hands of the son. Yosef therefore understated the urgency and sent a different message to Yaakov - moving to Egypt was necessary to avoid poverty. This was a more deferential and subtle expression of the crisis situation.
[Yosef’s fulfillment of his obligation to be respectful was very precise and calculated. He no doubt was normally respectful to all people – especially to his esteemed elder brothers. Yet, to them, he spoke directly. He likely reasoned that the threat to their lives superseded his obligation to address them with greater delicacy. However, when addressing his father, Yosef had an een greater obligation to be respectful. Yosef therefore only spoke to Yaakov about becoming impoverished.]
The special derech eretz due Yaakov as a parent prevented Yosef from speaking more directly. In truth, there was good reason to speak more bluntly. The very fact that Yosef had to present these arguments indicates that the entire family had to be convinced to move. A more forceful message would have provided greater assurances that Yaakov and his family would leave Israel for Egypt and be saved. It was therefore possible that the deference of Yosef’s more delicate speech could heighten the danger to Yaakov’s life.
A fundamental principle of Torah is that the imperative to preserve human life takes precedence over all of the Torah’s prohibitions, save the three mortal sins of idolatry, adultery, and murder. Accordingly, if rescuing a life entails disrespect, the duty to save a life overrides the obligation of respect. Why then did Yosef diminish his efforts to save Yaakov’s life in order to speak respectfully? Why was Yosef’s approach proper at all?
In truth, the situation facing Yosef was different from typical danger to life for at least two reasons: (1) The threat to life was not immediate, for it involved a future danger of starvation. Perhaps the morrow would bring Yaakov a different salvation. (2) Yosef did partially discuss the urgency at hand, and Yaakov could have surmised that it was his life and not just his money that was endangered. Therefore, although the interests of Yaakov’s safety would have been better served by talk that was more blunt, Yosef’s communication to Yaakov was bound by the conventions of derech eretz.
The ethical concept that is inferred from this text can impact upon virtually every human interaction. Yosef made certain to speak with extreme respect – this, notwithstanding the fact that doing so created the possibility of some danger to life. If so, when there is no danger to life, the Torah certainly obliges people to always be most respectful. Such factors as familiarity, intimacy, or being in a position of authority do not confer a license to act and speak disrespectfully or to even dispense with such words as “Please” and “Thank you.” Even in dress, a certain measure of respect is always called for in any relationship. According to the Torah, the frayed sweatshirt one wears when having breakfast alone might be unsuitable for breakfast with one’s spouse. Derech eretz might require wearing a sweatshirt that is not frayed.
The following two vignettes are illustrative of the Torah’s mores on derech eretz.
One of the most beloved and esteemed Torah scholars of recent decades was Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach of Jerusalem (1919 - 1995). He was married to his wife for over 60 years, and they reputedly had a truly beautiful relationship. The story was told of a man who was walking R. Auerbach to his home. As they were about to enter, R. Auerbach suddenly stopped and began straightening his clothing and doing his best to remove the Jerusalem dust from his hat and everything else he was wearing. The man was puzzled, and he asked what this was about. R. Auerbach replied: “I am about to be seen by my wife. To honor her, I must first make myself as presentable as possible.”
The great authority on Torah law Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (1895-1986) once answered a questioner in a manner that also reflects the Torah’s attitude to derech eretz. A young man had left his small town to study at a large yeshivah, and many months later, he returned home for holidays. While away, he was inspired to begin focusing intently when reciting the daily prayers. This led him, like many other idealistic and devout yeshiva students, to begin taking a fairly long time to recite the Amidah. Doing this in his hometown synagogue, however, would mean finishing the Amidah long after the synagogue’s rabbi. The locals, who had never attended a yeshivah, could misconstrue this as being somewhat disrespectful or disparaging to their rabbi.
R. Feinstein was asked about what the young man should do. Was he obligated to suddenly focus LESS on his prayers just because he was visiting his parents? The answer given was that he should never in any way even APPEAR to be lessening the honor of the rabbi. Rather, he should observe derech eretz and force himself to “focus fast” and conclude the Amidah no later than the local rabbi.
This Dvar was mostly taken from Rabbi Ganz’s book, “Defining Humanity.”
To help defray the cost (in time) of its production, and as a way of supporting our Jewish outreach organization in Cambridge, we are asking people to consider sponsoring this weekly email Dvar Torah. It is a meaningful way to note an occasion such as a graduation, birthday, anniversary, yahrzeit, etc.
The “cost” is $120, but amounts greater than $120 will of course be gladly accepted. The sponsorship will be noted in the Dvar. Thank you in advance!(Should the situation arise, we consider it acceptable to have more than one sponsor per Dvar. Should you prefer to be a sole sponsor, please let us know?)
Parshat Vayigash continues telling the story of Yosef (Joseph) and his brothers.
The great famine predicted in Pharaoh’s dreams persisted. As a result, Yaakov’s sons made a second journey to Egypt to purchase food necessary for their survival. Unbeknownst to them, the viceroy of Egypt who oversaw these transactions was, in fact, their brother Yosef whom they had sold into slavery years earlier.
Yosef finally revealed his true identity. He then attempted to assuage his brothers’ embarrassment over what they had done to him. Yosef represented that Hashem’s (G-d’s) prophetic plan was that he should rise to an influential position in order to save them from death by starvation. Yosef then went on to urge his brothers to journey homeward and to return with Yaakov and the entire family. Once in Egypt, they could live with honor while being sustained by Yosef.
Yosef then sent along a message to his father that was somewhat different from what he told his brothers. To his brothers Yosef said that Hashem sent him to save their lives (Parshat Vayigash 45:5). To his father, he spoke of being sent by Hashem to prevent them from becoming destitute (if they had to remain in Israel and spend all of their money on food – ibid. 45:11).
The Commentary of the Ramban (ibid.) explains that Yosef’s shift in language was deliberate. The actual truth was what he conveyed to his brothers - they could all die if they stayed in Israel. However, openly confronting his father Yaakov (Jacob) with this reality involved a certain lack of respect. Although true, it was tantamount to saying that the very life of the father was in the hands of the son. Yosef therefore understated the urgency and sent a different message to Yaakov - moving to Egypt was necessary to avoid poverty. This was a more deferential and subtle expression of the crisis situation.
[Yosef’s fulfillment of his obligation to be respectful was very precise and calculated. He no doubt was normally respectful to all people – especially to his esteemed elder brothers. Yet, to them, he spoke directly. He likely reasoned that the threat to their lives superseded his obligation to address them with greater delicacy. However, when addressing his father, Yosef had an een greater obligation to be respectful. Yosef therefore only spoke to Yaakov about becoming impoverished.]
The special derech eretz due Yaakov as a parent prevented Yosef from speaking more directly. In truth, there was good reason to speak more bluntly. The very fact that Yosef had to present these arguments indicates that the entire family had to be convinced to move. A more forceful message would have provided greater assurances that Yaakov and his family would leave Israel for Egypt and be saved. It was therefore possible that the deference of Yosef’s more delicate speech could heighten the danger to Yaakov’s life.
A fundamental principle of Torah is that the imperative to preserve human life takes precedence over all of the Torah’s prohibitions, save the three mortal sins of idolatry, adultery, and murder. Accordingly, if rescuing a life entails disrespect, the duty to save a life overrides the obligation of respect. Why then did Yosef diminish his efforts to save Yaakov’s life in order to speak respectfully? Why was Yosef’s approach proper at all?
In truth, the situation facing Yosef was different from typical danger to life for at least two reasons: (1) The threat to life was not immediate, for it involved a future danger of starvation. Perhaps the morrow would bring Yaakov a different salvation. (2) Yosef did partially discuss the urgency at hand, and Yaakov could have surmised that it was his life and not just his money that was endangered. Therefore, although the interests of Yaakov’s safety would have been better served by talk that was more blunt, Yosef’s communication to Yaakov was bound by the conventions of derech eretz.
The ethical concept that is inferred from this text can impact upon virtually every human interaction. Yosef made certain to speak with extreme respect – this, notwithstanding the fact that doing so created the possibility of some danger to life. If so, when there is no danger to life, the Torah certainly obliges people to always be most respectful. Such factors as familiarity, intimacy, or being in a position of authority do not confer a license to act and speak disrespectfully or to even dispense with such words as “Please” and “Thank you.” Even in dress, a certain measure of respect is always called for in any relationship. According to the Torah, the frayed sweatshirt one wears when having breakfast alone might be unsuitable for breakfast with one’s spouse. Derech eretz might require wearing a sweatshirt that is not frayed.
The following two vignettes are illustrative of the Torah’s mores on derech eretz.
One of the most beloved and esteemed Torah scholars of recent decades was Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach of Jerusalem (1919 - 1995). He was married to his wife for over 60 years, and they reputedly had a truly beautiful relationship. The story was told of a man who was walking R. Auerbach to his home. As they were about to enter, R. Auerbach suddenly stopped and began straightening his clothing and doing his best to remove the Jerusalem dust from his hat and everything else he was wearing. The man was puzzled, and he asked what this was about. R. Auerbach replied: “I am about to be seen by my wife. To honor her, I must first make myself as presentable as possible.”
The great authority on Torah law Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (1895-1986) once answered a questioner in a manner that also reflects the Torah’s attitude to derech eretz. A young man had left his small town to study at a large yeshivah, and many months later, he returned home for holidays. While away, he was inspired to begin focusing intently when reciting the daily prayers. This led him, like many other idealistic and devout yeshiva students, to begin taking a fairly long time to recite the Amidah. Doing this in his hometown synagogue, however, would mean finishing the Amidah long after the synagogue’s rabbi. The locals, who had never attended a yeshivah, could misconstrue this as being somewhat disrespectful or disparaging to their rabbi.
R. Feinstein was asked about what the young man should do. Was he obligated to suddenly focus LESS on his prayers just because he was visiting his parents? The answer given was that he should never in any way even APPEAR to be lessening the honor of the rabbi. Rather, he should observe derech eretz and force himself to “focus fast” and conclude the Amidah no later than the local rabbi.
This Dvar was mostly taken from Rabbi Ganz’s book, “Defining Humanity.”
To help defray the cost (in time) of its production, and as a way of supporting our Jewish outreach organization in Cambridge, we are asking people to consider sponsoring this weekly email Dvar Torah. It is a meaningful way to note an occasion such as a graduation, birthday, anniversary, yahrzeit, etc.
The “cost” is $120, but amounts greater than $120 will of course be gladly accepted. The sponsorship will be noted in the Dvar. Thank you in advance!(Should the situation arise, we consider it acceptable to have more than one sponsor per Dvar. Should you prefer to be a sole sponsor, please let us know?)
It would seem that it would take an extreme amount of mental calculations to balance the need for the proper amount of respect, with the need to get his point across. Yosef had to “partially discuss the urgency at hand” so as not to risk threat of life, yet not completely describe the urgency to avoid not giving his father the appropriate amount of respect. It would seem that only someone with a highly refined intellect and strong sense of how to respect one’s father could find a way to strike the right balance. So how could this same person not think of any way to respond (without giving away his true identity) to all the times Yehuda said “your servent, my father” to him (referring to Yosef’s father as his servant)?
ReplyDeleteDr. Abadi,
ReplyDeleteIn essence, I believe your point to be that Yosef was so concerned and so capable when it came to avoiding speaking to his father Yaakov in a manner that was only slightly disrespectful (implying that the fate of the father was in the hands of the son). If so why didn’t he figure out a way to stop his brothers from referring to their father Yaakov as “Your servant?” That was far more disrespectful!
First of all, I don’t know if it necessarily follows. Perhaps he was able to successfully negotiate the first situation, but not the second.
In truth, however, it appears that you are correct in saying that he should have not allowed them to refer to Yaakov as “Your servant.” The Midrash Pirkei D’Rabi Eliezer, Cap. 39 writes that the Torah records 10 instances of the brothers speaking to Yosef and referring to Yaakov as “Your servant.” In each of those cases, Yosef remained silent, as if agreeing. For that, writes the Midrash, Yosef was punished in that his life was shortened by 10 years.