JHI Dvar Torah on Parshat Vayerah

This week's Dvar Torah was sponsored by Debra Wekstein and David Kravitz in honor of their 10th anniversary.


PARSHAT VAYERA – MARITAL BLISS

Parshat Vayerah describes how, after many years of a childless marriage, Avraham (Abraham) and Sarah were blessed with their son Yitzchak (Isaac). The Torah portion read on the first day of Rosh Hashana begins with the sentence, “And The Almighty remembered Sarah as He said” (that she would conceive – Rashi, Parshat Vayerah 21:1).

At the time of this event, Avraham was 99 years old and Sarah was 90. When Hashem (G-d) first informed Sarah that she would become pregnant, she reacted by saying, “After I have withered would I again have delicate skin? And (also) my husband is old” (ibid. 18:12). She was saying that both she and her husband were beyond the age of natural conception.

Hashem later related to Avraham that Sarah said, “Can I truly give birth as I am old” (ibid. 1:13)?
The Commentary of Rashi points out that when speaking to Avraham, Hashem altered what Sarah actually said. Sarah said that both she and her husband were old. Yet, when relating Sarah’s words Hashem only revealed that she said “I am old.” Rashi explains that the purpose of this omission was to maintain peace between the couple. It was to spare Avraham the awareness that his wife referred to him as “old.”

Avraham is often referred to in the Torah as the exemplar of kindness to others. He had to have been that way in every area of his life because genuinely praiseworthy traits must be practiced outwardly and internally. He was not only kind and loving when in the public eye, he was that way at home, both with his wife and with household members. Sarah was an equally outstanding person. Rashi in Parshat Vayerah (21:12) mentions that her level of prophecy exceeded that of her husband. The Talmud (Megilla 15a) also writes that she was one of the four most beautiful women who ever lived. Avraham and Sarah’s marriage was therefore no doubt exceptional and rock solid. It was the product of two selfless, loving, kind, intelligent and spiritual individuals. If the quality of a marriage were graded on a 1 to 100 scale, their marriage would likely score 110.

The Almighty nevertheless amended Sarah’s actual words in the interests of their marital bliss. Why would knowing that his wife referred to both of them as being old have affected their marriage? Avraham was then 99. He was old! And he knew it! If anything, hearing that Sarah spoke these words would have made a slight and almost indiscernible difference in their marital happiness. Perhaps it might translate into a tiny fraction of one point on the 1-100 scale.

This demonstrates the Torah’s standard for marital bliss is exceptionally lofty. And if this almost sublime level of bliss is compromised to an even infinitesimal degree, it is considered a very serious matter. The Almighty took the unusual measure of compromising His Standard of Truth to prevent this minute diminution in their bliss from occurring. It isn’t enough to merely work toward a ‘decent’ marriage – or a ‘good’ marriage – or even a ‘great’ marriage. The Torah calls upon people to strive for the most perfect marriage possible - like that of Avraham.

. . . .

When hearing this and other such lofty ethical Torah thoughts, people might react by saying, “This is totally irrelevant to my situation. My marriage is very far from perfect; the struggle I face is to keep it intact. Why should it matter to me if the Torah wants my marriage to be like Avraham’s? Such lofty notions of what marriage should be do not relate to people with marriages like mine.”

The story of Noach (Noah) contains another example of this general concept. After describing the depravity of the generation that would later be inundated by the Flood, the last sentence in Parshat Bereishit writes that, “Noach found favor in the Eyes of G-d.” The Commentary of Sforno explains that Noach’s merit was only partial. It was sufficient to save himself and his immediate family, but it could not save others. Noach had a failing. Although he rebuked the members of his age over their sins, Noach did not teach them about the Lofty Ways of G-d so that they would know Him. Noach therefore did not have the merit to save others.

Why would the sinners of that era care about “The Ways of G-d?” How would speaking of such spiritual and sublime values impact upon such depraved wrongdoers?

The author’s Rebbe (primary teacher of Torah), Rabbi A. H. Liebowitz explained that that all people, even those most involved in sin, have a G-dly soul. Despite a lifetime of malfeasance, the exalted soul pulsates within man and calls out for a comparably exalted lifestyle. When someone speaks of G-dly and dignified behavior, there is a receptivity within the soul. For this reason, had Noach spoken more of G-d’s Ways and not just about abstaining from sin, some of the terrible sinners of that age might have been affected favorably and Noach’s merit would have been greater.

The same principle applies to marriage. It helps all people to be aware that the Torah’s basic imperative is to have the most ideal marriage imaginable. Once that lofty ethic interfaces with the soul, it can motivate an upgrade of the quality of every marriage on every level.

[It should however be noted that not all marriages should be worked at. The Torah contains a provision for divorce. This indicates that some marriages should be terminated.]




To help defray the cost (in time) of its production, and as a way of supporting our Jewish outreach organization in Cambridge, we are asking people to consider sponsoring this weekly email Dvar Torah. It is a meaningful way to note an occasion such as a graduation, birthday, anniversary, yahrzeit, etc.
The “cost” is $120, but amounts greater than $120 will of course be gladly accepted. The sponsorship will be noted in the Dvar. Thank you in advance!(Should the situation arise, we consider it acceptable to have more than one sponsor per Dvar. If you would like to be sole sponsor, please let us know.)